


Calm Your Llama Down, Boy.

by NewBikeWithAPlateReading666



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Other, Prequel, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 21:53:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15252810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewBikeWithAPlateReading666/pseuds/NewBikeWithAPlateReading666
Summary: What happened with the llama?





	Calm Your Llama Down, Boy.

**Author's Note:**

> Request:  
> I’m always a sucker for Series One Boosh if you fancy? What really happened that day with the llama? Did Howard really get off with it? What happened when Vince trembled with the newt? Xx

Vince had only been working at the zoo for a few weeks but the animals had all grown attached to him. Why wouldn't they? He was the only one who could talk to them. A jungle raised animal whisperer and now, Howard Moon’s “understudy”. All the animals loved him... Except one. Gerald. Gerald was a llama and a grumpy fuck of one at that.

Vince wasn’t easily disheartened though, not even by Gerald and his insults or threats. It'd just take time for him to get to know Vince, then he'd be ok. It was feeding time so another chance for Vince to win him over. 

“Oh god! Oh God!” Vince dragged himself from the ground and pounced around the enclosure, grabbing fistfulls of his hair. He threw straw into the air, searching in and around the piles as if such a large animal could be hiding in the dry half eaten food. The straw hadn’t even settled on the ground by the time Howard appeared behind the bars.

“Vince, what are you doing? You can’t just trash the place.” Howard ran in and tried to steady him, holding him close. That was when he saw it... or rather, didn’t. “Where’s the llama?”

Howard couldn’t quite place the noise that came from Vince as a response. It wasn’t quite a scream but it had too much desperation to be a holler or yell. Vince’s noises never sounded human but this was like a sad crab made love to a pigeon on crack. A quick slap snapped Vince from his hysteria. He looked over at Howard, eyes wide and watering. A pang of guilt shot through Howard and he wrapped his arm around Vince’s small frame.

“I just sort of...” Vince made a hoof shape with his hand and hit the air with it. He rubbed a small bruise coming up on his face.

“It’s alright, little man, we’ll get him back before Fossil even knows he’s gone.” If anyone else had said it, Vince would've shrugged but, Howard, he trusted him. Howard wouldn’t let him down. 

It wasn’t long before the screams and trail of chaos led them to the gift shop. As the boys got to the entrance, a small girls scream echoed before she came flying out the door like a ragdoll. Howard and Vince stared before taking cover behind a bin.

“What do we do, Howard?”

“I've got a plan. Trust me.”

Vince watched as Howard Moon, man of action, ducked and dived over and behind pieces of furniture, slowly making his way to the rampaging llama. He winced at the thought of Howard being hoofed in his generic little face. Seeing a break in the anarchy, Howard lunged at the escaped beast.

Gerald caught sight of Howard and went in for the hoof. Vince’s heart shot into his throat, he had to do something. Kicking off a white western boot, Vince threw it at the llama, knocking it down. Howard jumped on it and... Kissed it? Wait. Vince wasn’t sure what he was seeing. Howard was making out with Gerald, rutting against him gently. Gerald wasn’t fighting it, he seemed calm.

“I'm gonna...” Vince pointed towards the door and left. 

It was hours before he saw Howard again and Gerald was sent to another zoo.

“Hey, Vince.”

“Hey.” Vince didn't look up from a patch he was sewing onto his zoo jacket. “And they called he the animal whisperer.” He smiled.

“It's the only way to calm a llama down, Vince. Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do.”

“I'll let you keep that job.”


End file.
